Understanding the Stakes: What a Custody Order Truly Defines

A Virginia custody order is a legally binding court directive that establishes the rights and responsibilities of each parent. It goes far beyond simply deciding where a child will sleep each night; it dictates who holds the authority to make critical life decisions and sets the framework for the parent-child relationship for years to come. The stakes are immense, impacting your finances, your daily life, and your fundamental parental rights.

When clients first come to my office, they often have a narrow view of what “custody” means. They might be focused on winning “50/50” or becoming the “primary parent.” My first task is to broaden their perspective. In Virginia, a custody order is a comprehensive document that addresses two distinct types of custody:

1. Legal Custody: This refers to the right and responsibility to make long-term decisions about the child’s upbringing. Pursuant to the definitions in Virginia Code § 20-124.1, this includes decisions regarding education, non-emergency medical care, and religious instruction.
   • Sole Legal Custody: One parent has the exclusive authority to make these decisions. This is relatively rare and usually reserved for situations where one parent is deemed unfit, is incarcerated, or has been absent from the child’s life.
   • Joint Legal Custody: Both parents have a shared role in making these major decisions. This is the most common arrangement in Virginia, as courts presume it is in the child’s best interest for both parents to be involved. However, it requires a degree of cooperation and communication that can be challenging for separated parents.
2. Physical Custody: This pertains to the day-to-day care and supervision of the child—essentially, where the child lives.
   • Sole Physical Custody: The child resides with one parent, who is designated the “custodial parent.” The other parent, the “non-custodial parent,” typically has scheduled visitation rights.
   • Joint Physical Custody: This can take many forms. It does not always mean a perfect 50/50 split of time. It could be a week-on/week-off schedule, a 2-2-5-5 schedule, or any number of arrangements where both parents have significant periods of physical care. The goal is to provide the child with frequent and continuing contact with both parents.

The consequences of the final order are far-reaching. The designated physical custody arrangement directly impacts child support calculations. The parent with whom the child resides for the majority of the time is often the recipient of support payments. Furthermore, the order will dictate travel permissions, communication protocols between parents, and how holidays and school vacations are divided. Misunderstanding these details or failing to advocate for a clear, workable plan can lead to years of conflict, confusion, and repeated trips back to court. The initial custody order sets the baseline, and modifying it later requires showing a material change in circumstances, which is a significant legal hurdle. Getting it right from the start is paramount.

The Virginia Custody Process: A Step-by-Step Overview

Filing for custody in Virginia is a structured legal process that begins with filing a formal petition and proceeds through stages of service, potential mediation, evidence gathering, and ultimately, a court hearing where a judge makes a binding decision. The process primarily takes place in the Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court, and a thorough understanding of each step is critical for a well-prepared case.

Navigating the court system can be intimidating, but it follows a predictable path. Over my years of practice, I’ve guided countless parents through this very sequence. While every case has unique facts, the procedural roadmap remains largely the same.

Step 1: Determining Jurisdiction

Before anything else, we must establish that a Virginia court has the authority—or jurisdiction—to hear your case. Under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA), adopted by Virginia, the “home state” of the child has primary jurisdiction. This generally means the child must have lived in Virginia with a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the custody case is filed. If you just moved to Virginia last month, you likely cannot file here yet. There are exceptions for emergencies, but the home state rule is the starting point for almost every case.

Step 2: Filing the Petition

The formal process begins by filing a Petition for Custody or Visitation. This legal document is filed with the clerk of the appropriate Virginia Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court (J&DR Court). This is the court that handles most initial custody and visitation matters for unmarried parents. If the parents are married and are filing for divorce, custody will be decided as part of the divorce case in the Virginia Circuit Court. The petition outlines who the parties are, identifies the child, and states the type of custody arrangement you are requesting from the court.

Step 3: Service of Process

The other parent must be formally notified that you have filed a custody case. This is a constitutional requirement of due process. “Service of Process” is typically accomplished by having a sheriff’s deputy or a private process server personally deliver a copy of the petition and a summons to the other parent. The summons informs them of the lawsuit and specifies the date and time of the initial court hearing. You cannot simply mail it or hand it to them yourself. Proper service is a non-negotiable step; without it, the court cannot proceed.

Step 4: The Initial Hearing or “First Appearance”

Your first time in front of the judge is typically not a full trial. In the J&DR Court, this initial hearing is often used to handle administrative matters. The judge will confirm that both parties are present, inquire if you have legal counsel, and may appoint a Guardian ad litem (GAL) for the child. A GAL is a neutral attorney whose job is to investigate the situation and make a recommendation to the court about what custody arrangement is in the child’s best interest. The judge may also order the parents to attend mediation to try and resolve the issues without a trial.

Step 5: Mediation and Discovery

If ordered to mediation, you and the other parent will meet with a neutral third-party mediator to attempt to negotiate a mutually agreeable Parenting Plan. If an agreement is reached, it can be submitted to the court and entered as a final order. If mediation is unsuccessful, the case proceeds toward trial. During this time, your attorney will engage in “discovery”—the formal process of exchanging information and evidence. This can include interrogatories (written questions), requests for production of documents (like financial records or school reports), and depositions (out-of-court testimony under oath).

Step 6: The Trial

If no settlement is reached, your case will be decided at a trial. This is a formal evidentiary hearing where you, the other parent, and any witnesses will testify under oath. You will present evidence—documents, emails, photos, report cards—to support your position. Your attorney will make opening and closing statements, cross-examine the other party’s witnesses, and present a legal argument based on the “best interests” factors in Virginia Code § 20-124.3. The judge will listen to all the evidence and testimony before making a final ruling.

Step 7: The Final Custody Order

After the trial, the judge will issue a Final Custody and Visitation Order. This written document details the judge’s decision on legal custody, physical custody, the specific visitation schedule, and any other relevant matters. This order is legally binding, and violating it can result in serious consequences, including contempt of court proceedings. It is the definitive legal document governing your co-parenting relationship until and unless it is modified by a future court order.

The SRIS Virginia ‘Best Interests’ Factor Worksheet

To build a strong custody case in Virginia, you must systematically address the ten specific “best interests of the child” factors outlined in Virginia Code § 20-124.3. This worksheet is a practical tool designed to help you organize your thoughts, gather evidence, and prepare to present a compelling narrative to the court for each legally mandated factor. It transforms abstract legal requirements into a concrete action plan.

In my experience, the parents who achieve the most favorable outcomes are those who are the most prepared. It’s not enough to say you are a “good parent.” You must demonstrate it through evidence that aligns with the specific criteria the judge is required to consider. Use this worksheet to structure your preparation. For each factor, jot down specific examples, identify potential witnesses, and list documents that support your position.

Instructions:

For each of the 10 factors below, create a section in a notebook or a document on your computer. Brainstorm and list concrete, specific examples from your child’s life. Think in terms of “who, what, when, where, and why.”

1. The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child’s changing developmental needs.
   • Evidence to Gather: Note your child’s age. List any medical conditions, allergies, or mental health needs (e.g., ADHD, anxiety). How do you manage these needs (doctor’s visits, medication schedules, therapy appointments)? Note developmental milestones you’ve been involved in (first steps, learning to read, etc.).
   • Example: “My son, age 7, has asthma. I manage his daily inhaler, attend all his appointments with Dr. Smith, and have an emergency action plan on the fridge. [Document: Doctor’s records, pharmacy receipts].”
2. The age and physical and mental condition of each parent.
   • Evidence to Gather: Are you physically and mentally capable of caring for your child? Do you have a stable living situation? If the other parent has a condition (e.g., substance abuse, untreated mental illness) that negatively impacts the child, how can you document it factually and without malice?
   • Example: “I maintain a stable work schedule and am in good health. I attend therapy voluntarily to manage the stress of the separation. [Document: Employment records, letter from therapist (if appropriate)].”
3. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child’s life and the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual, and physical needs of the child.
   • Evidence to Gather: This is crucial. List daily routines you handle (baths, meals, homework). List special activities (coaching their team, reading together). Who does the child turn to when they are sick or scared?
   • Example: “I have coached my daughter’s soccer team for two years. I am the parent who helps her with her math homework every night. [Witness: Assistant coach, Teacher. Document: Photos from games, report cards].”
4. The needs of the child, giving due consideration to other important relationships of the child, including but not limited to siblings, peers, and extended family members.
   • Evidence to Gather: Who are the important people in your child’s life? Document your role in fostering those relationships (e.g., arranging playdates, driving them to visit grandparents).
   • Example: “I ensure my child sees her maternal grandparents every other Sunday, maintaining that important bond. [Witness: Grandmother].”
5. The role that each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child.
   • Evidence to Gather: Create a timeline. Who was the primary caregiver during infancy? Who attends parent-teacher conferences? Who arranges childcare? Show a consistent pattern of involvement.
   • Example: “I have attended every parent-teacher conference since kindergarten. [Document: School communication logs].”
6. The propensity of each parent to actively support the child’s contact and relationship with the other parent, including whether a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the child.
   • Evidence to Gather: This is the “friendly parent” factor. Document every attempt you make to co-parent. Save texts and emails showing your flexibility and communication. Note every time the other parent denies visitation without a valid reason.
   • Example: “On May 10th, I emailed to ask for a makeup weekend, offering three alternative dates, and received no response. [Document: Email printout].”
7. The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child, and the ability of each parent to cooperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child.
   • Evidence to Gather: How do you handle disagreements? Do you use a co-parenting app? Can you show a history of putting the child’s needs ahead of your own conflicts?
   • Example: “Despite our disagreement on summer camps, we used the TalkingParents app to reach a compromise that worked for our child’s schedule. [Document: Screenshot of the conversation].”
8. Any history of family abuse, sexual abuse, child abuse…
   • Evidence to Gather: This is extremely serious. If there is a history of abuse, it must be documented with police reports, protective orders, medical records, or testimony from Child Protective Services (a branch of the Department of Social Services). Vague allegations are not effective.
9. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonable intelligence, understanding, age, and experience to express such a preference.
   • Evidence to Gather: A court will rarely ask a young child to “choose.” This is usually handled through the GAL, who will speak with the child. Do not coach your child. Instead, focus on creating a stable, loving environment that they would naturally prefer.
10. Such other factors as the court deems necessary and proper to the determination.
    • Evidence to Gather: This is a catch-all. It could include factors like the distance between parents’ homes, a parent’s work schedule, or any other unique circumstance in your case.
    • Example: “My work-from-home schedule allows me to be present when the child gets off the school bus every day. [Document: Letter from employer confirming remote work status].”

Strategic Approaches to Your Virginia Custody Case

A successful custody strategy is not about aggression or “winning” at all costs; it is about methodically building a case that proves to the court that your proposed parenting plan is unequivocally in your child’s best interest. This requires a proactive, evidence-based approach focused on documentation, cooperation, and clear communication, while always being prepared for litigation if necessary.

Over my career, I’ve seen that the most effective strategies are grounded in consistency and credibility. A judge is looking for the parent who is stable, child-focused, and reasonable. Your actions, both before and during the court case, will be scrutinized. Here are some of the core strategies we employ at Law Offices Of SRIS, P.C. to position our clients for a favorable outcome.

1. Establish a Favorable Status Quo

Judges are often hesitant to disrupt a child’s stable routine. The “status quo”—the parenting arrangement that exists right before you go to court—is incredibly powerful. If possible and safe, establish a consistent and positive routine of care for your child long before filing. If you are the parent who takes them to school, helps with homework, and handles doctor’s appointments, document it. This creates a compelling argument that maintaining this routine is in the child’s best interest.

2. Master the Art of Documentation

Your memory is not evidence. A judge needs tangible proof. From day one, you must become a meticulous record-keeper.

• Create a Custody Journal: Use a simple calendar or notebook to log every visitation exchange, noting times and any issues. Keep track of all expenses you pay for the child. Log important conversations.
• Preserve Digital Communication: Save all text messages, emails, and co-parenting app communications with the other parent. Be mindful that everything you write could one day be an exhibit in court. Always remain calm, polite, and child-focused in your writing, even if the other parent is not. This demonstrates your maturity and ability to co-parent.
• Organize Supporting Documents: Gather your child’s report cards, medical records, and photos of you participating in their activities. Collect your own financial records and proof of stable housing. We organize these into a “trial binder” to present a clear, organized case.

3. Be the “Reasonable” Parent

As outlined in Factor 6 and 7 of the “Best Interests” statute, the court heavily favors the parent who facilitates a strong relationship between the child and the other parent.

• Never Deny Visitation Unreasonably: Unless you have a legitimate, documented fear for your child’s safety, do not withhold visitation. Doing so can be viewed as parental alienation and can severely damage your case.
• Be Flexible: If the other parent asks to swap a weekend for a special occasion, be accommodating if possible. Document your flexibility. It shows the court you prioritize your child’s experiences over your own convenience.
• Communicate Effectively: Use business-like communication. Stick to the facts regarding the children. Avoid insults, dredging up the past, or emotional language. Platforms like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents can be invaluable as they provide a documented, unalterable record of communication.

4. Engage in Child-Centric Negotiation

While we always prepare for a trial, resolving a custody case through a negotiated settlement is often the best outcome for the child, as it reduces conflict. A sound strategy involves developing a comprehensive, detailed Parenting Plan that you can propose to the other side. This plan should be so well-reasoned and child-focused that it is difficult for a reasonable person—or a judge—to reject. It should cover not just the schedule, but also transportation, communication protocols, decision-making on education and healthcare, and how future disputes will be resolved. Presenting a proactive, thoughtful solution is far more effective than simply reacting to the other parent’s demands.

5. Utilize the Guardian ad litem (GAL) Effectively

If a GAL is appointed, their investigation and recommendation will carry significant weight with the judge. Your strategy should be to cooperate fully and transparently. Prepare for your meeting with the GAL as you would for court. Have your documents organized. Present your points calmly and factually, always framing them in the context of the child’s best interests. Provide the GAL with a list of “collateral witnesses”—neutral third parties like teachers, coaches, or doctors who can speak to your positive involvement in the child’s life. Being organized, honest, and respectful with the GAL is a critical strategic component.

Critical Mistakes to Avoid When Filing for Custody

In high-stakes custody litigation, easily avoidable missteps can have devastating and long-lasting consequences for your case and your relationship with your child. From mishandling communication to neglecting your own well-being, these common errors can undermine even the strongest legal positions. Acknowledging and actively avoiding these pitfalls is a cornerstone of a sound legal strategy.

After decades in family law, I have seen the same patterns of self-sabotage repeat themselves. The emotional turmoil of a custody battle can cloud judgment, leading to mistakes that are difficult to undo. Here is my list of the most critical errors to avoid at all costs.

1. Posting About Your Case on Social Media: This is perhaps the most common and damaging mistake. Anything you post is discoverable and can be used against you. A photo of you on vacation could be framed as neglecting your child. A frustrated vent about your ex can be used to paint you as uncooperative and hostile. The safest rule is to deactivate your accounts or, at a minimum, cease posting anything personal until your case is fully resolved.
2. Discussing the Case with Your Child: Putting your child in the middle of the conflict is harmful to them and is viewed extremely unfavorably by the court. Do not ask them who they want to live with, do not criticize the other parent in front of them, and do not share details about court dates or legal proceedings. Your child needs a parent, not a confidante. This is a primary responsibility that judges look for.
3. Refusing to Co-Parent or Communicate: A “scorched earth” approach rarely works. As discussed in Virginia Code § 20-124.3, a parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent is a key factor. Refusing to respond to reasonable emails, being inflexible with scheduling, or denying phone calls between your child and the other parent (unless there’s a safety issue) will be seen as an attempt to alienate the other parent and will severely damage your credibility.
4. Moving Out of the Marital Home Without the Child: If you are the one to leave the family home and leave the child in the care of the other parent, you are handing them the “status quo” argument on a silver platter. It can be interpreted by the court as you prioritizing your own comfort over the stability of your child. Before making any changes to your living situation, it is imperative to discuss the strategic implications with your attorney.
5. Introducing a New Partner to the Child Prematurely: A custody case is not the time to introduce a new significant other into your child’s life. From a legal perspective, it can be argued that you are not focused on your child’s needs during a difficult transition. A judge will want to know about the stability and character of any person who will have significant contact with the child. Rushing this step introduces an unnecessary and potentially damaging variable into your case.
6. Failing to Follow Court Orders: If there is a temporary order in place regarding visitation or communication, follow it to the letter. Willfully violating a court order is one of the fastest ways to lose credibility with a judge and can result in sanctions, including being ordered to pay the other party’s attorney’s fees or, in extreme cases, a change in custody.
7. Neglecting Documentation: Relying on your memory to recount months of events during a trial is a recipe for disaster. As detailed in the worksheet tool, you must keep contemporaneous notes, save all communications, and organize your evidence. Without documentation, your claims are just unsubstantiated allegations.

Glossary of Key Virginia Custody Terms

Guardian ad litem (GAL)

An attorney appointed by the court to represent the child’s best interests. The GAL does not work for either parent but investigates the case by interviewing the parents, the child, and other relevant parties (like teachers or counselors) and then makes a recommendation to the judge.

Jurisdiction

The authority of a court to hear and decide a case. In custody matters, this is typically determined by the child’s “home state” under the UCCJEA, which is usually where the child has lived for the six months prior to the case being filed.

Legal Custody

The right and responsibility to make major, long-term decisions for a child, including those related to education, non-emergency medical care, and religious upbringing. It can be “sole” (one parent) or “joint” (both parents).

Physical Custody

The right and responsibility for the day-to-day care and supervision of a child. This determines where the child lives primarily. It can be “sole,” “joint,” or “shared,” with various scheduling arrangements.

Petition for Custody

The initial legal document filed with the court clerk to start a child custody case. It names the parties, identifies the child, and states the relief being requested from the court.

Status Quo

A Latin term meaning “the existing state of affairs.” In custody cases, it refers to the parenting arrangement and routine the child was accustomed to just before the court case began. Judges are often reluctant to make drastic changes to a stable status quo.

Visitation

The time the non-custodial parent spends with the child. A visitation schedule is a key component of any custody order where one parent has sole or primary physical custody.

Common Scenarios & Questions from Parents

Scenario 1: “We were never married. Do I have any custody rights?”

Question: “My ex-girlfriend and I have a two-year-old son, but we recently broke up. We were never married. She is now telling me I have no rights and she can move out of state with him. What can I do?”

Answer: This is a very common situation. In Virginia, if parents are unmarried, the mother has sole legal and physical custody by default until a court order says otherwise. However, as the biological father, you have the absolute right to petition the court to establish your paternity, custody, and visitation rights. The fact that you were not married is irrelevant to the court’s “best interests of the child” analysis. You must act quickly by filing a Petition for Custody in the J&DR Court. This will prevent her from leaving the state with the child and will begin the legal process of establishing a formal, enforceable custody and visitation schedule that protects your relationship with your son.

Scenario 2: “My ex is denying my court-ordered visitation.”

Question: “We have a final custody order from last year that gives me visitation every other weekend. For the past two months, my ex has been making excuses and refusing to let me see our daughter. What is my recourse?”

Answer: A court order is not a suggestion. If your ex is violating a clear and unambiguous visitation order, your recourse is to file a “Rule to Show Cause” with the court that issued the order. This is a motion for contempt of court. The court will schedule a hearing where your ex will have to “show cause” as to why they should not be held in contempt for violating the order. You must have clear documentation of each denial. If the judge finds them in contempt, potential remedies include ordering make-up visitation time, ordering your ex to pay your attorney’s fees, and, in severe or repeated cases, fines or even jail time.

Scenario 3: “I think my child is unsafe with the other parent due to substance abuse.”

Question: “I have strong reasons to believe my ex-husband is abusing prescription medication and drinking heavily when our children are with him. I’m scared for their safety. Can I stop sending them for his visitation weekends?”

Answer: This is a very serious and delicate situation. While you should never unilaterally withhold court-ordered visitation lightly, there is an exception for immediate and substantial danger to the children. If you have credible evidence of abuse or neglect, your first step should be to file an Emergency Motion for a Temporary Order with the court, seeking to suspend his visitation or require that it be supervised. You will need more than just a suspicion; you will need evidence, such as police reports, testimony from witnesses who have seen the behavior, or documentation of erratic communications. Simply stopping visitation without a court order can put you in a difficult legal position, so it is critical to seek immediate legal guidance to take formal action correctly and protect both your children and your legal standing.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. What is the first step to filing for custody in Virginia?

The first step is to file a Petition for Custody (or a Complaint for divorce that includes a request for custody) with the clerk of the correct court—usually the Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court for unmarried parents or the Circuit Court for divorcing parents.

2. How much does it cost to file for custody?

The court has a standard filing fee, which is typically around $25-$50. However, the true cost involves attorney’s fees, which can vary widely depending on the complexity of your case and whether it settles or goes to trial. Other potential costs include fees for a Guardian ad litem, mediators, or expert witnesses.

3. Do I need a lawyer to file for custody in Virginia?

While you are legally permitted to represent yourself (“pro se”), it is highly discouraged. Custody law is complex, and the rules of evidence and court procedure are strict. An error can have permanent consequences for your parental rights. A seasoned family law attorney can navigate the system, build an evidence-based case, and advocate effectively on your behalf.

4. At what age can a child decide who they want to live with in Virginia?

There is no specific age in Virginia where a child’s preference becomes binding. It is just one of the ten “best interests” factors. The court will give “due consideration” to the preference of a child of “reasonable intelligence, understanding, age, and experience,” but the judge makes the final decision. The older and more mature the child, the more weight their preference is likely to be given, but it is never the sole determining factor.

5. What is the difference between joint and sole custody?

Joint custody means both parents share the responsibility, either for major decisions (joint legal) or for the physical care of the child (joint physical). Sole custody means one parent has the primary responsibility for either decision-making (sole legal) or physical care (sole physical), with the other parent typically having visitation rights.

6. How does child support relate to custody?

Child support and custody are intrinsically linked. The Virginia child support guidelines calculate the amount of support based on both parents’ incomes and, critically, the number of days each parent has the child per year according to the physical custody schedule. The custody arrangement is a primary input in the support calculation.

7. Can I get custody if I was the stay-at-home parent with no income?

Absolutely. The court’s decision is not based on who earns more money. It is based on the best interests of the child. A parent’s historical role as the primary caregiver is a very significant factor (Factor #5). Your financial situation will be addressed through the separate but related issue of child support.

8. What if the other parent and I agree on a custody arrangement?

If you reach an agreement, you can formalize it in a written document called a “Consent Order” or a “Stipulation and Agreement.” This document should be drafted or reviewed by an attorney to ensure it is comprehensive and legally sound. You then submit it to the court for a judge’s signature, at which point it becomes a legally binding and enforceable court order.

9. How can I modify an existing custody order?

To modify a final custody order in Virginia, you must file a Motion to Amend or Review the order and prove to the court that there has been a “material change in circumstances” since the last order was entered, and that a modification is in the child’s best interest.

10. What is a Guardian ad litem (GAL) and do I have to pay for one?

A GAL is a court-appointed attorney who represents the child’s interests. The cost of the GAL is typically split between the parents, with the proportion determined by the judge based on the parties’ respective abilities to pay.

11. What if the other parent lives in another state?

Custody cases involving parents in different states are governed by the UCCJEA. The key is determining which state has “home state” jurisdiction, which is almost always the state where the child has lived for the six months prior to the case being filed. These cases can be complex, and legal counsel is essential.

12. Can a father get 50/50 custody in Virginia?

Yes. Virginia law is gender-neutral. Fathers have the same right to seek any form of custody, including a shared or 50/50 physical custody arrangement, as mothers do. The case will be decided based on the best interests factors, not the gender of the parent.

13. What kind of evidence is useful in a custody case?

Useful evidence includes emails and texts with the other parent, photos and videos of you with your child, school and medical records, a calendar documenting your parenting time, and testimony from neutral third-party witnesses like teachers, coaches, or counselors.

14. What happens if I move?

If you are the custodial parent and want to relocate, most Virginia custody orders require you to give at least 30 days’ written notice to the other parent and the court before moving. If the other parent objects, you will need the court’s permission to relocate with the child, and you must prove the move is in the child’s best interest.

15. Is mediation required for custody cases in Virginia?

A judge has the authority to order parents to attend at least one mediation session to see if they can resolve their dispute. While not mandatory in every single case from the outset, it is a very common step in the process, especially if both parents are represented by counsel.